"The Rules"

Recently, A friend of mine asked me how to "make" a man commit.
IMPOSSIBLE! was the first thing that came to my mind. Not the commitment part of course, but the "make" part.
I believe the only thing that can make anyone fall in love with you, truly, is being yourself. Beauty and "brains" (wink wink) may capture a mans interest briefly, but if you have nothing else to offer you will quickly find yourself relegated to the discarded box of castoffs he has labeled "Not Girlfriend Material"

Now, men always come with a bag of problems, but for me, intent to commit has never been one of them. So it got me thinking...Can you make a man commit? I turned to The Oracle: Sex In The City!
"The Rules" and "He's Just Not That In To You" are 2 books forever ingrained in to the history of pop culture due to the massive success of Sex In The City.

We are probably all a bit more familiar with "He's Just Not That In To You". SATC had become infinitely more popular in its later seasons, and the writer Greg Behrehndt ultimately got his own (short lived) T.V. show, and now a movie with an all-star cast of the same name.

I know many people disagree with the entire notion of "He's Just Not That In To You". Of course all people are different, react differently to problems and scenarios, and want different things out of life and from their partners. However, the essence of the book rings true to me. If you and your partner want different things out of the relationship, and your needs are not being met, it may be time to seek greener pastures. Some may try to convince you that the grass is always greener on the other side, but if his grass is looking kinda dusty gray you probably don't have much to lose by stepping out on your own.

"The Rules" on the other hand is the uber strict doctrine that Charlotte followed in order to get Trey to propose. I find "The Rules" frightening in its rigidity, in my opinion anyone who was able to follow through with this would find that their entire relationship is based on lies and fallacy anyway.
Check out this synopsis of "The Rules":

Seal the Deal and Make Him Commit Don't Break These Rules
Following The Rules means letting him pursue you -- not seeing him more than two or three times a week, refusing to go away with him on weeklong vacations, and not moving in with him or crowding him in any way. If you've done all these things, you've actually helped him fall in love with you and want to marry you. He wants more of you, not less. And you will sense his desire to include you in his world. Within a year, if not sooner, he's figured out that he not only wants to marry you but has to marry you to see you more often, to really have you.
Your problem at this point is not if he's going to marry you but when. Men can happily date, commitment-free, for years! They are notorious for wanting to put off the actual engagement part until later. If he suggests living together first to see if you get along, tell him you're old-fashioned and want to wait until you're engaged or married.
If he hasn't asked you to marry him within a year -- or two at the most -- you might have to shake things up a little bit. Go away for a weekend with a girlfriend, cancel a Saturday-night date, get very busy at work, mention that you are renewing your apartment lease, or be mysterious about some of the things you do. All of the above should make him anxious to propose. A man who is wary of commitment is made less wary by a woman moving away from, not toward, commitment. This isn't trickery. You're just giving him the space he needs. And if this doesn't work?
Ask him what his intentions are. If he says he has no plans to marry you, say okay and then never see him again. Men don't lie about things like this. He's not scared of commitment -- he doesn't want to marry you.
If he says he does plan to marry you someday, but he's not ready yet, then it's up to you to close the deal. Ask him when -- and if it's more than a year away, see less of him and think about dating others. You've already spent more than a year waiting for him to propose. Do you have another year to wait?
If you are already living together and he says he doesn't want to become engaged, make plans to move out. But don't say, "I'm moving out because you won't commit." Just say that you need more space and you heard about a great apartment. When a man doesn't want to commit and you do, leave him alone. If he doesn't try to get you back with a proposal, don't waste your time. If he asks what's going on, nonchalantly answer, "I don't know if this relationship is for me." If he can live without you, you don't want him. Move on.
Here are five things not to do if he says he doesn't want to marry you, no matter how tempting.
1. Don't tell him you're hurt or mad, and don't reprimand him for leading you on. You stayed with him -- take responsibility for your actions. And if you've been living with him, you allowed him to be with you indefinitely without making a commitment.
2. Don't suggest going to couples therapy to discuss why he can't commit. Men can and do commit when they love you and when you maintain your identity and self-esteem in the relationship. But they can become commitment-phobic when a woman has pursued them, is too available, or they're just not in love with her.
3. Don't let your man brainwash you into thinking that marriage isn't important - "just a piece of paper." If he does not want to marry you, then he's not that in love with you -- he wants the option of meeting someone else!
4. Don't let a man convince you that because he's been married before, he can't marry you or that you should give him time to recover from wife No. 1 or 2.
5. Don't let a man you have been dating for years convince you to wait until "things slow down" at work or he's better off financially to make a commitment. There will always be work and money issues in life. They should have nothing to do with marrying you.
When a man loves you and wants to marry you, he gets down on bended knee and says something like, "Look, I know I'm not a millionaire, but I love you and I'd do anything for you."
You've seen it happen: A man will date a woman for five years, claiming he has commitment issues, but after breaking up with her, he marries someone else in six months. If a man truly is in love with you, and your actions (not your words) tell him that you won't wait around forever, his commitment issues will disappear and he will propose.
If you are involved with a man for several years who isn't proposing, how much longer are you willing to wait? When a man knows that you will accept less than marriage, he is not motivated to commit himself fully. You must be willing to walk away.
Assuming you are engaged, how do you actually motivate him to take the walk down the aisle? Becoming engaged is no guarantee of marriage, so don't get lax about The Rules. Don't talk to him on the phone for hours every night -- and it's still best not to move in together. Engagements can be broken and wedding dates never set. Better he should miss you and move up the wedding date than feel claustrophobic as you take over his closet space.
- The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, Warner Books, 1995

Could you follow these rules? If you can, do you think they would make a man commit to you? Do you have your own set of rules? Or do you operate free of restrictions?

O.J. Simpson Is Dumb.

Thirteen years to the day after being acquitted of killing his wife and her friend in Los Angeles, O.J. Simpson was found guilty of robbing two sports-memorabilia dealers at gunpoint in a Las Vegas hotel room.
The 61-year-old former football star was convicted of all 12 counts late Friday after jurors deliberated for more than 13 hours. He released a heavy sigh as the charges were read and was immediately taken into custody.
Simpson, who went from American sports idol to celebrity-in-exile after his murder acquittal, could spend the rest of his life in prison.
His attorney said he would appeal.
Many people considered the four-week trial justice delayed. Simpson was cleared in 1995 of murdering his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ronald Goldman, in one of the most sensational trials of the 20th century, but was later found liable for the deaths in a civil case.
"I don't like to use the word payback," defense attorney Yale Galanter said. "I can tell you from the beginning my biggest concern ... was whether or not the jury would be able to separate their very strong feelings about Mr. Simpson and judge him fairly and honestly."

-AP

What is wrong with this man? He seems to think he's Above The Law, like he's Steven-frickin'-Seagal or some shit!
Is it just me or should he have just been sitting his ass down somewhere sipping his iced tea and sucking on a Werthers Original and whatever else old folks do? He should have been thanking his lucky stars and counting his damned blessings, but some people always want to be in the midst of some fuckery. I guess he wanted to go to prison, and I would bet good money that he will be getting his wish this time. Appeal my ass! They got him, and maybe this is long overdue.

The Sarah Palin Project Has Diddy All Shook Up.

What has Diddy hiding underneath his bedsheets, screaming like a 6 year old girl?
Just some dumb broad with the potential to jump waaaay out of her pay grade.

You gotta love Puff Daddy, he is the most "extra" human being on planet Earth.
Who else manages to be so silly, and still command respect?
Now somebody get this man some warm Cambodian breast milk and a nightlight! He knows there's no bitchassness allowed...

Troll With A Tummy-Ache.

Page Six reports that Jermaine Dupri enjoyed his champagne and tequila a bit too much at his 36th birthday party at Tenjune. He got so drunk that he threw up in girlfriend Janet Jackson's lap!
Eeeeeeeewwwwwwww.....
J.D. should have known better, your blood alcohol level is affected by your body size! He knows he can't drink what the big boys drink.
Allegedly, Janet ran out of the club, and sped off in her Maybach. Damn Janet, you just left him there all barfy?
When she got back to her hotel she probably told her assistant "Cancel that bitch, I'll buy another one."

Alexyss K. Tylor

About a year ago Alexyss K. Tylor became a cyber sensation when videos of her public access show, entitled "Vagina Power" hit the net.
I loved her videos, but I had kind of forgotten about her until today when I heard a new song from Cam'ron where he sprinkles in a few samples of her speaking from one of her shows.
Anyway, I wont bother posting the song "Bottom of her pu$$y hole" because as you would imagine, it's pure foolishness. If you want to hear it, check our good friend at Livestyle for the link.
I will post a few faves from my girl Alexyss, because I still think this is some truly hilarious, insane, and insightful commentary, from a woman who's been through it. Definitely Not Safe For Work, but you'll have a good laugh when you get home.
BTW, that's her Mama onstage with her.






OK, last one. Some guy tells her he would like to make her his "Bust it baby" and she goes OFF on him, as she should! Although I'm familiar with the song that spawned the term, I'm not even sure what exactly that means, but how any woman couldn't tell that it's dissrespectful is beyond me. I see way too many women reffering to themselves as that, and quite frankly I think it's disgusting. If shes crazy, I might just be crazy too.

Soon As I Get Home...

I will beat a bitch down! Faith Evans has a book coming out, where she dishes all the dirty details about BIG's wandering eye (and penis). She basically decided that beating down every chick she even thought was after her man was the way to go. She would travel the country delivering good "old fashioned" ass whuppings, and even allegedly beat the brakes off Li'l Kim.


FAITH EVANS had a brutal way of extracting revenge when The Notorious B.I.G. cheated on her. The R&B songbird hunted down his lovers and beat them to a pulp. "I thought maybe kicking some ass would get the word out that chicks better think twice before messing with my husband," Evans writes in her new autobiography, "Keep the Faith." Once, she hopped a red-eye to Virginia, where Biggie (real name Christopher Wallace) was touring, and found a young hottie in a plaid school uniform in his hotel room. She writes: "[I] jumped on top of her and started beating her ass . . . 'Yo, Ma you need to chill!' Big said, 'I didn't even [bleep] her!' I mashed [her] in the face and then kicked her. 'Yeah, well, you should have,' I said." Another time, she found a cutie's photo and number in Biggie's car, traced her to a Bronx apartment and, together with a male pal, gave her "a brief but thorough beat-down."
-New York Post

Well, I cannot advocate this type of behavior, but sometimes these YAMPS are really asking for it, are they not? And RIP BIG, god bless the dead, but I hope she smacked him in his mouth at least one good time. Sometime a man fi get kuff!

Friday Afternoon Reading.

I'm going to assume you're bored at work, and need a little something to pass the time until your weekend officially begins. I found this on a message board and thought that it was an interesting read. This man is apparently upset that women wont approach him, and he has a theory about why this is:

I'm in the ATL where yes, there is a plethora of  women and my observations this summer confirm why I think the vast majority of them are turning me off (and I hate to say it).

The impression I get is that women are ridiculously insecure about being chosen and that there is nothing more important to them. Nothing. What I see as I've improved myself is that these sistas out here go out of their way to put on a mask of indifference solely to feel like you are choosing them based on their beauty/booty alone. Don't know about you but you but I placed looks secondary a long time ago. And it's very consistent. I might be at a spot that advertises to single women, but when that handsome, approachable dude does stroll in-they get scared. Oh they'll check you out on the sly when they think you're not looking but are loath to make eye contact, smile, speak unless spoken to, etc. They would rather go home with their girls (again), then put in some effort into getting a man's attention (outside of getting herself done up).

This is unbearable to me and extremely unnatural as we all know how other groups of women are minus the psychological hangups of conversing with us.  they don't need a man to jump through hoops from jump to make them feel validated. And that's what I think it comes down to. Validation. Some of the "bolder"  women or those who don't feel quite a sense of entitlement (unfortunately often big/rough lookin girls) may stand next to a brotha and, I guess, wait to be acknowledged but it's all surrounded in an air of dishonestly, pride and indifference. And we KNOW better. Personally I think there's nothing more important to a woman than having a man. But so many have adopted the "..A man finds a wife" mantra to avoid putting themselves out there and allow their low self esteems to be fed. That's real talk. They are coming off very psychologically damaged, weak and basically a hot mess.  she's got to be stepping her game up (no, her house and career don't count-how about weight and mental health?) as some of us are trying to.

And I allowed ample time and experience to help form my opinions on this. So my question for men who HAVE achieved and HAVE become desireable to women is this...Is this what is to expect of most women? A conflicted psychological state? A desire for a man but stronger desire for a man to "choose her over all the others".

So, what do you think? Ladies, do you approach men, or do you wait to be approached? Fellas, do you like women to make the first move? Do you see it as a sign of her being confident with herself, or of desperation?

Do you take it as a sign of insecurity if a woman would rather have a man approach and strike up conversation?

Here are a couple of opposing responses to the topic to get your wheels turning.

Response 1:
There was a time when a man would approach a woman. He would court her. Now it seems that men want to be approached. This goes against the nature of the female. Men like the chase and women like to be chased. This is the natural progression of the male/female relationship. The entire process has been broken down and destroyed. Women are chasing men and men are allowing themselves to be chased. Some men have 4 or 5 women chasing them. Eventually women get tired of putting in all that effort and the fruits of their labor are never achieved so they have stopped pursuing men and in the process found themselves not wanting to be pursued. So women sit back and give off more negative energy than an electron. 
What you have to do is find the woman that you want and pursue her. Court her like they did back in the day before the sexual revolution and womens lib started to corrupt our thinking. Women need attention and a man that can communicate with them. If you are tall, dark, handsome, educated and employed...the world is yours. Don't let  women make you feel like less than the King that you are.

Response 2:

You brothers sound like bitchz. Don't fault the sisters for not wanting a weak man. You sit there all uppidy wondering why sister don't chose you. Then you have self esteem issues yourself. How exactly have you become desireable to these women? Your job and education mean nothing because they don't even know you. It's about having GAME and you either have it or you don't. It's in the females nature to prefer the stronger male, the man that pursues what he wants, the alpha male, and we really don't need to debate this because the theory is definitely more sound than your personal observations. If a woman checks me out on the sly, let the games begin. All I need is a look of interest. I love the chase. I believe a sister would rather go home alone than with some weak ass brother that would settle for a bitch because she talks to him, than go after what he wants. Are you scared to get shot down? It is not in a woman's nature to openly pursue a male. That's bullshit if I ever heard it. So quit making all these bullshit excuses. If you believe these bitchz are speaking to because they have high self esteem than your confused at best. There's a gang of fit, educated, beautiful sisters out there. And you are sitting there waiting for them to make something happen. one.

Martin Lawrence Presents "1st Amendment Stand-up"

After going over a slough of Bernie Mac Video's, I figured it was only right for me to feature something on Comedians. I love 1'st Amendment Stand-up. I am not sure if most people are aware of how funny this show really is, or if they've ever seen the show for that matter. It is a Spin off of Def Comedy Jam and it airs on Starz every Wednesday. It is apart of "Starz Comedy Hour" and it is produced by Martin Lawrence and Doug Williams.

Let me forewarn you, this show is for Adults only... it is downright rude and funny as hell. My favorite comedian right now is Deon Cole from Chicago... Check him out under the cut and let me know what you think. Before him is are two throughbacks of Bernie Mac... It's only right Ya'll

You can thank me later... Please wear headphones if your @ ur desk.

Bow WOW

Happy Friends Day everyone!
I was home sick today and slept nearly the entire day :( but wanted to share this tid bit ...
So Bow Wow landed a role on the hit TV show Entourage playing a stand up comic but the bugged out part is he filmed a sex scene with a porn star. Now maybe I am showing my age by saying this, but he still a baby! LOL
Ok ok - he's not ... he is 21 but I feel like he will always be a youngin' to me ...
When asked about the steamy scene he says "I know the girls; they're going to go crazy when they see it. The ladies are gonna go crazy when they see Bow Wow's first sex scene... It was with a porn star. I don't know her name. She probably watching this like, 'What? I did a scene with him, and he doesn't remember my name?' Nah, I don't remember her name, but she was bad though. She was baaaaad!"
... and when asked about how comfortable he was filming he says "I was cool. I was comfortable with it. I was definitely comfortable with it. It is what it is - normal stuff that happens. It's crazy 'cause for me, it was normal. It was normal, but I know when I look back at it, when I see it, I'm gonna be like, 'Damn! Look at this. This is crazy!' I stun myself sometimes, I can't even front (pretend)."

LOL @ mtv.com translating "I can't even front" Normal stuff huh? Hmmmmm ..... I am gonna have to check that out ... He sure seems to be feelin' him self right now though ... I suppose that is every man's dream gig huh? SMH!

Is a "Booty Call" okay when you're having a Dry Spell? (Kamilah's Take)

* A couple of posts below, the lovely and talented Alicia gave her perspective on a dilemma that some people may have had encounters with.
This is my $00.2 on the matter.



Gee... 3 years, huh? I'd consider 1 year a dry spell, 3 is like the fucking Sahara. Or should I say like Antarctica, because it's so icy and frigid. LOL! I actually read an article in a reputable magazine ( I wish I could find it, maybe New York Magazine?) that claimed that if you didn't make use of your genitals, they would in fact, begin to shrivel and dry up. Deadass!
But I digress, what one does, or preferably two do, in his/her/their bedroom as consenting adults is their business. I personally do not advocate casual sexual activity amongst those I know, the safety of your vaginal and mental health is at stake, and "the D" might make you stab somebody. But, lust is lust I suppose, and some people must act on their urges.

There are larger issues to tackle here though, your friend should do some serious self reflection to figure out what it is that she really wants. For someone who has had the discipline to undergo three years of self imposed celibacy, I can't imagine that just sex would be enough. What about intimacy and companionship? Will sex be enough when she doesn't get so much as a phone call come Valentines day? When she needs help with something and he refuses, but feels comfortable to call her late night, when he has needs? Will it be enough if she develops feelings for this man, but he's already filed her into his jumpoff category, likely eliminating herself as girlfriend material for him? Yes, he may think of her as a ho, jumpoff or some variation on the word, it goes with that territory. But does it matter? She's already passed judgement on him. She thinks HE is not good enough, right? Besides we need ho's in the world. Somebody's got to mop the floor, somebody's got to be the ho. It makes the world go 'round.

The fact of the matter is, she may not really know if these men are "up to par". You have to give yourself time to get to know an individual before you make that judgement call. You can learn someones personality traits, but until she hits the bedroom, she will not know if the "workout" will be good, and it may very well be wack. So she should take her time.

Also, what is her definition of "up to par" and is it realistic? Furthermore, is SHE up to par? What does SHE have to offer? Does it match up to the standards she is expecting of her potential suitors?
I know that finding a partner who you can connect with is difficult. But that doesn't mean you jump out the window, and settle for even less than the original offer. "Like nah, you're not good enough to date me, but I trust you enough to put a part of your body inside of my body, and for that time, hold my life and future in your hands." This doesn't add up to me.

My advice to your friend would be: Keep your knees closed, but change your game plan. Think long and hard about the things that you can and cannot put up with from a man, and whether or not the values and goals of the men you date mesh well with your values and goals, that should be what indicates if he's up to par. She may need to change her hunting ground, where do you meet these men? I hope it's not the club, or the internet or anything gross like that. Ew.
Finally, no one likes to hear this, but she may also want work on herself. By being the best woman she can be, she may find herself attracting a different sort of man. And EVERYONE can improve themselves.
But if the "D" deficit is too great, do you. Be safe, and make wise choices about who you bestow your blessings upon. It should be VIP, a very exclusive p***y,  you choose what letters are hiding behind those asterisks.

Is a "Booty Call" okay when you're having a Dry Spell?

So, I have a friend that hasn't gotten "any" in about 3 years... No, I'm not kidding! Practically a born again virgin, right? :) It's not as if she doesn't want to... (Trust me she does in the worst possible way). It's just that the men that she becomes acquainted with aren't up to par. She's run into a few of them that although they aren't looking to settle down, they do have the potential to be of another use to her (like giving her a good Work Out. :) Although this idea is particularly appealing to her, she has trepidations about it because Casual Sex isn't something that she's ever tried out before or even considered for that matter. In hard times, things that you've never pondered start to become more enticing. One of her biggest obstacles is getting over the fact that people may view her as a Hoe (No, not the gardening tool).

Do you think that it's morally wrong to entertain a relationship where the sole purpose is to satisfy your sexual cravings? What happens when a decent man comes around that you feel may be relationship material, but you're having difficulty cutting this sexual relationship loose because you've become addicted to the D? What do you do then? Do you juggle both until the relationship with this new person becomes sexual, or do you go to Ricky's and stock up on every Sex Toy imaginable before ending the relationship with your lover?

Here's my Advice: GO FOR IT, have a clear understanding of what your getting yourself into. Don't expect the dynamics of the relationship to change, and for your partner to change his ways. Be realistic about all expectations. Agree that anyone can end the relationship at anytime. Lastly but most importantly "DON'T GET ATTACHED", Just because it's Good D, doesn't mean that it belongs to you and only you :)

What do you guys think? Should she or shouldn't she engage in such a relationship? ... Fellas if you're reading this, what terms would you want the woman to abide by? The end of this Drought depends on you folks...

In honor of this topic, I have decided to post this song... I find it only fitting.

Feature Song



Get @ me....

Oh no he didn't!

Star Magazine reports that Diddy has made a foolish ass mistake by asking Cassie to marry him. Exactly how much in alimony and child support would you like to pay each month, sir?

Sean "Diddy" Combs is giving marriage a chance.

The bachelor father of six is quietly telling close friends and family that he and singer Cassandra "Cassie" Ventura are heading to the chapel.

"He told everyone to keep it extremely quiet because he didn't want it to get out, but you could tell he was excited," says a source. "Diddy said they hadn't set a date yet, but he wanted his family to hear the news first."

Diddy revealed his engagement to the Connecticut native at his son Justin's eighth-grade graduation ceremony in Riverdale, N.Y., on June 5. The hip-hop megastar met 17-years-younger Cassie after signing her up to his label, Bad Boy Records, in 2006.

Now, I do not believe for 1 second that this is true, but imagine if it was.  Kim Porter is certainly of a different temperament than myself. She may be a better, kinder, person than myself, because homeboy would have been got his wig pushed back, knameen? Are the twins they just had even a year old yet? Oh so you were... while I was pregnant?...no, no ,no. Consequences and repercussions my brother, consequences, and repercussions.