Is a "Booty Call" okay when you're having a Dry Spell? (Kamilah's Take)

* A couple of posts below, the lovely and talented Alicia gave her perspective on a dilemma that some people may have had encounters with.
This is my $00.2 on the matter.



Gee... 3 years, huh? I'd consider 1 year a dry spell, 3 is like the fucking Sahara. Or should I say like Antarctica, because it's so icy and frigid. LOL! I actually read an article in a reputable magazine ( I wish I could find it, maybe New York Magazine?) that claimed that if you didn't make use of your genitals, they would in fact, begin to shrivel and dry up. Deadass!
But I digress, what one does, or preferably two do, in his/her/their bedroom as consenting adults is their business. I personally do not advocate casual sexual activity amongst those I know, the safety of your vaginal and mental health is at stake, and "the D" might make you stab somebody. But, lust is lust I suppose, and some people must act on their urges.

There are larger issues to tackle here though, your friend should do some serious self reflection to figure out what it is that she really wants. For someone who has had the discipline to undergo three years of self imposed celibacy, I can't imagine that just sex would be enough. What about intimacy and companionship? Will sex be enough when she doesn't get so much as a phone call come Valentines day? When she needs help with something and he refuses, but feels comfortable to call her late night, when he has needs? Will it be enough if she develops feelings for this man, but he's already filed her into his jumpoff category, likely eliminating herself as girlfriend material for him? Yes, he may think of her as a ho, jumpoff or some variation on the word, it goes with that territory. But does it matter? She's already passed judgement on him. She thinks HE is not good enough, right? Besides we need ho's in the world. Somebody's got to mop the floor, somebody's got to be the ho. It makes the world go 'round.

The fact of the matter is, she may not really know if these men are "up to par". You have to give yourself time to get to know an individual before you make that judgement call. You can learn someones personality traits, but until she hits the bedroom, she will not know if the "workout" will be good, and it may very well be wack. So she should take her time.

Also, what is her definition of "up to par" and is it realistic? Furthermore, is SHE up to par? What does SHE have to offer? Does it match up to the standards she is expecting of her potential suitors?
I know that finding a partner who you can connect with is difficult. But that doesn't mean you jump out the window, and settle for even less than the original offer. "Like nah, you're not good enough to date me, but I trust you enough to put a part of your body inside of my body, and for that time, hold my life and future in your hands." This doesn't add up to me.

My advice to your friend would be: Keep your knees closed, but change your game plan. Think long and hard about the things that you can and cannot put up with from a man, and whether or not the values and goals of the men you date mesh well with your values and goals, that should be what indicates if he's up to par. She may need to change her hunting ground, where do you meet these men? I hope it's not the club, or the internet or anything gross like that. Ew.
Finally, no one likes to hear this, but she may also want work on herself. By being the best woman she can be, she may find herself attracting a different sort of man. And EVERYONE can improve themselves.
But if the "D" deficit is too great, do you. Be safe, and make wise choices about who you bestow your blessings upon. It should be VIP, a very exclusive p***y,  you choose what letters are hiding behind those asterisks.